How to enjoy the holidays when you or a loved one struggles with mental wellness

The holiday season is supposed to be about family and friends, gatherings, festivities, and cheer. There are ads on the TV showing smiling, happy families together for meals, playing in the snow, and getting brand new cars as presents. Stores in the mall boast that their deals will make your holiday perfect. However, what if you can’t even bear to get yourself out of bed to see all of the smiling faces of your family? Or an intense anxiety rolls over you with just the thought of having to socialize and pretend that you’re “normal”? 

For one in four Americans, this time of year may be especially difficult given their current struggles with their mental wellness and the stigma of mental illness that is present in much of their lives. However, we all have mental health, and mental illness can happen to anybody regardless of age, culture, race, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, economic status, or location. So what can we do to enjoy the holidays if we or a loved one has a mental illness?

Tips for those struggling with mental illness or wellness (which could be all of us at some point!)

• Know that whatever you’re feeling at this moment, it’s right for you. Take care of yourself and remember to take a breather sometimes. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, it’s alright to excuse yourself and take some time away. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and make sure to replenish yourself every once and a while. Find what works best for you to de-stress. For example, try these ideas on how to take a break:

Remember that your health (and yes, health includes mental health!) comes first!

• Stay connected and reach out. Sometimes it might feel tempting to isolate yourself and not socialize if it’s not what you want to do. But sometimes isolating yourself could make it worse. Even if it’s just calling up a friend or family member or even volunteering, you may feel better afterward. Just find the right level for you and challenge yourself to stay engaged. You might be surprised by the results!

• Live in the moment! It’s definitely easy sometimes to dwell on past regrets or setbacks, but if we focus on what we’re doing right now and look for something positive, it can lighten our mood and help us to enjoy our time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or bogged down by negative thoughts, try simplifying things and focus just on your breathing. Then, slowly, focus on the positives, like watching snowflakes fall or the twinkle of lights! Take it one step at a time and try not to get frustrated if you end up back at your negative thoughts. Living in the moment takes practice!

• Don’t abandon your healthy routine. For many people who struggle with mental illness, daily routines are crucial to providing stability and consistency. It can be especially tempting during the holidays to overindulge, but try to keep some stability in your activities. Make sure to get plenty of sleep, get regular physical activity each day, and avoid excessive amounts of alcohol since alcohol may increase stress and interact with medication.

• Know when you need to seek professional help. It’s a sign of strength and self-awareness to ask for help when you need it. Please do not hesitate to reach out and ask for help if you feel like you need it.
• If you or someone you know is considering suicide or is in emotional distress, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) (en Espanol, 1-888-628-9454). There are trained crisis workers available to talk 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and all of the calls are confidential and toll-free. There is also a live online chat at: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

• If you are located in Calumet, Fond du Lac, Green Lake, Manitowoc, Marquette, Outagamie, Sheboygan, Waushara, Waupaca or Winnebago counties in Northeast Wisconsin, you can also call United Way's 2-1-1 to get information on mental health resources and help in your area.

• To get general information on mental health and locate treatment services in your area, call the SAMHSA Treatment Referral Helpline at 1‑877‑SAMHSA7 (1‑877‑726‑4727) Monday through Friday from 7am to 7pm CST.

Tips for family and friends of someone with a mental illness (and how to support those with mental illness in general):

• Be aware of how you talk and think about mental illness. What if a family member came to you and revealed that they have diabetes? How would you react? Like most people, you would probably express sympathy and concern and try to offer support. You would probably also believe that your family member’s condition will improve with treatment. However, what if a family member told you that they have a mental illness? How would your response be different? Unfortunately, for many of us, we separate mental illness from “physical” illnesses and respond differently. Let’s change that! Also, don’t label people with words like “crazy,” “wacko,” or “loony,” or define them by their diagnosis. Instead of saying someone is “a schizophrenic,” say she or he “has schizophrenia”. Instead of saying “a schizophrenic person,” say “a person with schizophrenia.” This person-first language helps reduce the stigma associated with these labels.

The comic below shows how uncomfortable it is when we talk about physical illnesses the same way we do as mental illnesses.

Comic courtesy of Robot Hugs

Instead of expressing the comments in the comic above, if someone tells you that they are experiencing a mental illness, try doing these:

• Express your concern and sympathy.
• Ask for more details about how he or she is managing. Really listen to the answers and continue the conversation. Make sure your friend understands that you honestly care.
• Ask what you can do to help. 
• Reassure your friend that you still care about him or her and be sure to include them in your plans.
• Remind your friend that mental illness is treatable. Ask if they're receiving the care they need and want. If not, offer helping them identify and get the right kind of care.

• Plan ahead and discuss plans in advance. Make sure that your loved one knows when celebrations will be, who will be there, and what to expect. Also make sure that others who are attending gatherings of family and friends are aware of the situation. This is a great opportunity to help those who are uncertain about mental illness or may feel uncomfortable to learn the facts about mental health and break the stigma.

• Keep it simple. Some people with mental illness may get easily overwhelmed or stressed with too many celebrations or events. Try to keep family get-togethers clear and simple and explain what to expect.

• Avoid assuming how individuals feel or what activities family members want to be a part of. Respect and support each family member’s choices regarding participation in family activities.

• Ignore what you cannot change. Let some things slide. Don’t waste energy arguing, threatening, or pleading. This can only raise tensions and hurt both yourself and your loved one. However, don’t ignore violence.

• Find creative ways of reducing your own stress. If you find yourself getting upset by something your loved one did or said, try to separate what has made you upset or angry from the person who did it. Remember that taking care of yourself first may help you better take care of your loved ones.

• Acknowledge the small steps! Helping someone with a mental illness to get better doesn't happen overnight. Help your family member make changes gradually. Be patient with them as they learn from the consequences of their behavior. Celebrating the small steps can improve both of your outlooks on their progress and can positively reinforce the changes they're making.

• Give yourself time and space for your own improvement. It takes time and practice to consistently use these approaches in order to help someone with a mental illness. The road to mental wellness for everyone can be long and winding, but you’ll get there with patience and persistence! Be kind to yourself and remember that everyone has their own battles they’re fighting!

Throughout this holiday season, keep in mind that everyone has mental health and everyone can strive for better mental wellness. We are all affected by mental illness in some shape or form, whether we know it or not. We need to support each other and ourselves so that we can all enjoy the holidays in the healthiest ways possible.